a message

Life is a beautiful and precious gift. That sounds cliche, I know. But the truth of it cannot be ignored. We have to learn how to take time out of every day to live. To enjoy living. To love what we can about the lives we have. Life is more important than the pressures and stresses that we place on ourselves over work and other commitments. Is it worth risking your health or missing out on spending time with a friend to get that project done? No, it isn't. You never know how much life you have. So, take care of yourself. Do you hear me, Thandi?

30 October 2001, 21:10

Deer crash

Something I have always wondered about is how human beings began to believe that they had dominion over the animals of this planet -- how it came to be that human life became more important than animal life. Yesterday really brought it all home to me.

We took off to Buffalo to help Trevor's Mom move out of her furnished apartment in Buffalo, New York. The plan was to pile everything into her van so that she could drive around visiting family and friends for the next ten days before heading back to her home in Florida. We spent the chilly afternoon packing up boxes and then loading them into the car. I didn't believe that it was all going to fit, but it did -- cat and all.

After dinner we headed back onto the road, Trevor's Mom in the van with us behind in our rental car. The next moment changed everything: a deer jumped out in front of the van and Trevor's Mom ran right into it. There was nothing she could do. It was awful.

Police arrived. Calls were placed. The tow-truck arrived. We moved essentials (including the cat) into our car and made plans to get Trevor's Mom to a hotel near the garage. Everything fell into place in a mechanical way, with time strangely suspended in the crisp October night air. And I worried about Trevor's Mom, of course. Things have been rough for her this year, and this was the last thing she needed. But she was ok, and that was what mattered.

But what haunted me to the core was the deer. Because it wasn't dead. When the police officer shone his light around the accident scene, two beautiful brown eyes were frozen in the beam of light. Although it had managed to move about 100 yards across the road, it was lying down on someone's front lawn, still. Shocked. Stiff. Barely blinking, but very alive.

I couldn't even look at it. I asked the police officer if he could shoot it, but because it was a residential area, other methods were needed. The officers felt its legs to confirm that they weren't broken, and prodded it, hoping that a nudge would spur the poor animal to run. But it sat there. Probably suffering from internal injures. Certainly terrified. And that caused me to feel a deep and powerful sadness. If that was a person lying in the ditch, there would be sirens and ambulances and paramedics feverishly working to minimize pain and save life. But no, it was an animal, and although it was a creature capable of feeling the same fear and pain that humans experience, people try to put it out of their minds and just hope that the creature is alright. There is no justice for animals.

I don't mean to detract from the awful experience of Trevor's Mom. Of course she is our main concern and we are doing everything we can to help her. It was all an unfortunate and terrible accident, causing all kinds of other problems. But having been there at the scene -- witnessing the impact, seeing the deer in the officer's flashlight, finding the piece of antler on the road -- I am haunted by these images.

29 October 2001, 20:10

who the hell are you, anyway?

Today my Dad sent me one of those "tell me about yourself" questionaires that you send to people in search of interesting details about their lives. Most of the people I know don't appreciate mass-emailing, so I thought, what the hell, I'll post my responses here:

• Living arrangement? with husband and cat
• What book are you reading right now? Original Bliss (A.L. Kennedy)
• What's on your mouse pad? "mind the gap" on the London Underground symbol
• Favourite board game? Scrabble
• Favourite magazine? popbitch, Melic Review, Adbusters
• Favourite smells? baking bread, rain, clean, the ocean
• Least favourite smells? cigarette smoke, exhaust, litter box, vomit
• Favourite sounds? Sarah's throaty noise when she sees birds outside, Trevor singing along with songs, footsteps on pavement, walking through leaves, ducks laughing outside our window, music, the ocean
• Worst feeling in the world? panic attacks
• What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? where's Trevor? then, is today a work day? then, breakfast
• Favourite colour? indigo
• How many rings before you answer the phone? not usually home when the phone rings
• Future child's/grandchild's first name? haven't thought about it
• What is most important in life? love, family and friends, happiness, health
• Favourite foods? potatoes, cheese, pasta, chips with curry sauce, mushrooms, tofu, eggs florentine
• Chocolate or vanilla? both
• Do you like to drive fast? yes
• Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? depends on whether Sarah has eaten or not
• Storms - cool or scary? very cool
• What type was your first car? 1986 Renault Alliance -- note this is not an actual photo of my first car, but it looked exactly like this (before the accident, that is)
• If you could meet one person dead or alive? Grandma Dobbie
• Favourite alcoholic drink? Scrumpy Jack cider, beer, rye and ginger, Jim's knock-you-on-your-ass martinis
• What is your zodiac sign? Cancer
• Do you eat the stems of broccoli? yes, it's the best part
• If you could have any job you wanted what would it be? pretty much what I do now but without the crap -- other than that, who knows?
• If you could dye your hair any colour? I keep trying but haven't found the right one yet
• Ever been in love? yep, still am
• Is the glass half empty or half full? half full
• Favourite movies: I don't have one
• Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? nope, but who does?
• What's under your bed? suitcases, sarah, missing socks, the boogeyman
• What is your favourite number? anything with a 7 in it
• Favourite sport to watch? bike couriers in downtown TO
• Say one nice thing about the person who sent this: my dad -- he's the bravest and kindest person I know
• Single, married, divorced? married (and happy)
• Favourite TV show? Survivor, Coronation Street, Naked Chef, This Life, Lonely Planet

27 October 2001, 14:10

toronto bloggers

Had a bit of a bad day at work. Skipped the gym (because who in their right mind exercises on Fridays) and instead went to the Duke of Argyle with Trevor and a few friends, consumed a veggie burger and a few pints of cider, then came home and spent some serious time checking out gta bloggers. It's strange how I just assumed that most of the blogs I read belong to people from other countries. And to find a whole list of bloggers in my backyard -- I can't explain it. I find it comforting, somehow.

26 October 2001, 22:10

geo this

The other day Trevor found this cool little app (geobutton) that tracks the geographical location of visitors to a site. I put it up on my site this weekend just to find out if anyone is even visiting (yes, I know there are things called "log files" but I'm too lazy, and my hosting company is supposed to supply stats but I've given up on the "under construction" message I find whenever I check). I am thrilled to have so many visits from the US, Italy, Mexico, Mauritius, Costa Rica. It's amazing. I didn't think that anyone would show up. Thanks.

24 October 2001, 20:10

host switching

By the way, I am in the middle of having my site transferred from one server to another. Beware general wonkiness and/or potential email interruptions.

22 October 2001, 21:10

rejected

Well, my poems were rejected by prose ax (even though they "liked them a lot"), so in retaliation I immediately sent out a submission to failbetter.com. Let's see if they like me a lot, too. I really need to write more anyway.

I also need to do a few other things -- namely:
1. learn Photoshop correctly (no more of this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants editing
2. learn Javascript correctly
3. learn PHP
4. learn XML
5. learn something else that is completely un-web-related so that when the company where I work joins the other dot-coms in the Holy Graveyard of Worthless Stock Options, I can at least perform some other kind of task that can pay the rent.

22 October 2001, 21:10

Bramblerose Took of Great Smials

Have you found out your Hobbit name yet? Apparently I'm Bramblerose Took of Great Smials. And this week I will probably enjoy a few beers with Falco Sandybanks, Dolly Grubb of Little Delving, and Pimpernel Brandybuck of Buckland. Ain't that sweet?

21 October 2001, 19:10

coincidence

Isn't it cool when you learn something you've never known before or you chat to someone about a topic, and then that word or topic resurfaces in your life very soon afterward, sometimes on multiple occasions? Someone will teach you a new word, and the next article you read uses that word, or you hear about some ancient ritual and the TV program you watch 2 days later is all about that ritual. It makes me wonder: is there some kind of cosmic force at work -- something completely beyond our contol that places our fate in the hands of some omnipotent sprites who plan little coincidences into our daily life just for the sheer pleasure of completely freaking us out?

In a September post I wondered aloud about the 80s flaming phenonmena spontaneous combustion, and -- surprise! -- the next two books I read, The Trick of It by Micheal Frayn and Original Bliss by A.L. Kennedy, both mention spontaneous combustion: one in the form of exploding kitchen appliances, and one in the form of good old exploding humans. Strange. And a little delightful at the same time. Likea private joke you can share only with yourself.

21 October 2001, 13:10

cheese

Our trip to the UK left me with a craving for real English cheeses, so we took off to the St. Lawrence Market this morning to visit some of the cheese shops. At $44 a kilogram for most of the cheeses from the motherland, we walked away with much lighter (not to mention smellier) pockets. I just finished up cooking in advance for tonight's dinner: Stilton Soup with Welsh Rarebit Toasties. I added some ingredients that other Stilton soup recipes called for -- a splash of whiskey (hope good old Jack does the trick) and some mushrooms. And now I'm left with a dinner to look forward that is doubly expensive: $15 worth of cheese and 712 calories a serving. Anyone want to come for dinner?

20 October 2001, 16:10

a bit of pr for siren

This afternoon while I was supposed to working, I decided to do a vanity search in Google and had a pleasant surprise: the writers' resource site that I maintain, siren [places for poets], was mentioned in an August 2001 feature from the CBC Windsor MorningWatch radio program. The article, The Digital Coffee House: Writers & Ranters Take Their Art to the Net listed siren [places for writers] in the same company as the CAA as a good source of info for Canadian writers. I was thrilled right down to my socks.

This little bit of fame -- plus the sudden realization that people may actually be visiting my site -- prompted me to do a site overhaul this afternoon: dead link sweeps, URL updates, code tweaks, and text changes. But it's all worth. After all, I have a public to serve.

19 October 2001, 18:10

ugh #2

Still in reality. Ugh.

18 October 2001, 18:10

ugh

Back to reality. Ugh.

15 October 2001, 23:10

Home

Back at home in Toronto... Experienced the tightest security ever at Heathrow (which made me feel quite safe, actually). Flew home on a big-ass 747. Came through the gates to see Trevor's brother waiting to take us home -- which was amazing. I can't believe how tired I feel. Didn't I say that recently?

14 October 2001, 22:10

Can you make that a double order of chips with curry sauce?

Ok, found a few more £... Here's the last update about our trip. Last night we went out for dinner -- fully expecting to go to Wagamama's and ending up at a nice Indian place. Full of curry instead of ramen, we took off for a walk around Picadilly Circus, and then to two pubs: waxy's little sister (which would have been extremely cool without all the people, sweat and smoke) and another one. Back at the hotel we managed to get the concierge to snag us a fan. What a difference that made (have I mentioned that the British have not yet discovered air conditioning?); not only did we sleep with a pleasant temperature, the fan blocked out the all-night noise of Tottenham Court Road. Brilliant. We came to the airport for noon and I managed to get some chips with curry sauce. Well, two hours left until takeoff.

14 October 2001, 08:10

freeserveblog at heathrow

1:00 PM GMT. Blogging at Heathrow on a tiny keyboard at a stand-up "freeserve" kiosk for £3 for 3 bloody minutes. I'm a blogaholic.

14 October 2001, 07:10

well, just one more easyblog

6:00 PM GMT. No, I haven't left the easy Everything Internet cafe yet. I got caught reading this hilarious article Tomato Nation: 15 Things To Love About Toronto. It's a fantastic little read -- and it warms my heart that a US citizen took the time to write about my home city. And I really have to agree about the dill pickle chips. Canada truly is a beautiful nation because of the existence of dill pickle chips.

Top Fifteen Things to Love About Britain
1. places with names like Buttleigh, Chipping Sodbury, Upper/Lower Slaughter
2. fast-food condiments in tubs instead of fiddly packages
3. amazing super fast trains to everywhere
4. words like pillock, prat, naff, nutter, bollocks, shite, sarnie, nosh, bog
5. Cadburys
6. cheese and onion crisps
7. pubs everywhere, even in tiny towns
8. pedestrian marketplaces
9. black cabs
10. left-side, left-shift drive
11. cheese and pickle sarnies at every Starbucks
12. cheap ale and cider (and the fact that you can drink in the street when the pub is too full)
13. toilets with floor-to-ceiling doors
14. easyEverything
15. chips with curry sauce

13 October 2001, 13:10

one last easyblog in london

One last post before we leave. I don't know if I'll have time for a final blog before getting on the train to the airport tomorrow. I can't believe that our holiday is over. We've had an incredible time -- new experiences for ourselves, as well as so much focus on what is going on in the world right now. I can't say that I am not nervous about flying tomorrow. It's silly, really. I was a little worried this morning but after just reading the news about Anthrax scares in the US this past week and warnings of future attacks on Americans in the US and abroad, I'm a little unsettled.

But, I need to get my mind off things and get ready to enjoy our last night in London (of course to be celebrated with pints of cider and hopefully some takeaway chips with curry sauce -- are you reading this, Trevor?). Let me close by listing my top five holiday adventures (in no particular order):

Top Five Vacation Memorable Moments
• climbing the Tor at Glastonbury
• the storm/Palace Pier in Brighton
• The Three Kings outing with Pete and Ange
• getting completely sodden and soaked on our big London walk
• Beachy Head

There, now. I feel better already. Love to everyone at home. We'll be seeing you on Monday.

13 October 2001, 12:10

salisbury. brighton. london.

4:38 PM GMT. I haven't blogged since Glasto, so here's the deets since then.

Thursday. As navigator, I mapped out a route back to Salisbury from Glastonbury. It was a wild ride: lots of freakish turns and twists, and so many beautiful stone fences and hedges. We even got a peak at some of those famous chalk etchings on the hills. Back in Salisbury we had a drink at the Ox Row Inn, ate some magnificent chips with curry sauce (and I'm talking real chips like the ones my mom makes!), and then finished up with drinks in our hotel. As it turns out, our hotel is the hippest place in town to drink.

Friday. After a decent-enough sleep we drove back to Brighton, and took the train back to London. I can't believe how fast the trains travel here. It must be 250-300 km/hour. Whatever it is, it's bloody fast. Once settled back at the St. Giles (we came back here because it's a great hotel with really reasonable rates) we took a walk to visit St. Paul's Cathedral, and climbed the 517 steps to the tallest gallery for an amazing panoramic view of the city. That view wasn't enough because an hour later we were secured on our pod on the London Eye -- a magnificent 450-foot high ferris wheel over the Thames. Took too many pictures, too.

Back at the hotel, we received a call from the friends we met up with last weekend at the lovely Princess Louise pub, and 45 minutes later we joined them at The Three Kings pub in Clerkenwell Close. It was a total laugh. We had such a great time. The night was filled with British wit and Canadian jokes, and went by way too fast. Pete and Ange are wonderful people.

Saturday: Did the National Portrait Gallery and Westminster Abbey. But now I am just repeating myself.

13 October 2001, 11:10

Trafalgar Square protest

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
- placard, anti-war protest, black lion, Trafalgar Square

4:12 PM GMT. Trevor and I just got back from the huge anti-war protest at Trafalgar Square, and I must say that the whole thing has left me rather speechless. Today we started out by visiting the National Portrait Gallery and then Westminster Abbey -- just like a couple of tourists. And then, after a walk through St James's and Green Park, we could hear the protest march in full swing along Picadilly Street. So we left the green calm with curiousity. We walked alongside the protesters for a while -- I couldn't believe the numbers of men, women, and children, not to mention the incredible range of ethnic backgounds. It was amazing. Walking along Picadilly Street listening to the songs and chants, picking up some pamphlets along the way, and seeing police on guard in long yellow lines everywhere -- it was all just an unbelievable experience.

We ended up in Traflagar Square, and that's where I felt most overwhelmed. As we rounded the corner (right by Canada House) we could see protesters on the Nelson Monument waving signs and chanting. And the whole square and surrounding roadway was completely filled with people -- united in protest against the bombing of Afghanistan. People spoke and anti-war sentiments were chanted. It was the largest protest I've ever witnessed in person, completely unlike anything I've ever seen back home. I don't think that I will soon forget this day, nor the way it echoed the concerns I have in my own heart.

13 October 2001, 11:10

Trip update

I'm blogging this as a seperate entry because yesterday's attempts to blog in Salisbury ended in posting tragedy: Blogger was experiencing technical difficulties so I thought that I would cut and paste my entry into an email for later use, and my ineptitude with an iMac caused me to lose the whole thing (damned Command key!). Anyway, as we're paying by the half hour at the Cafe, here's a synopsis of the past few days' events:

Monday: Rain. Speedy train to Brighton. Our hotel was across the street from the English Channel -- which was particularly unimpressed at the time (not with our hotel, but with the weather). Gale-force winds and blasting rain. Huge waves. Sea-foam blowing off the waves like snow. John Smiths in the lovely Victory Pub. Video games and walking in the rain on the Palace Pier. Jerusalem Artichoke Souffle and Rostibrown at the Terre a Terre vegetarian restaurant.

Tuesday: Some sun (!) We hired a car, and brave, courageous Trevor took on the challenge of a manual drive. Some scary moments with the left hand shift and the left side of the road. We travelled to Beachy Head to see the famous chalky cliffs and witness the location of the Cure's Close To Me video. The sun actually came out, too. In the evening we drank at the Druid's Head (a great place) and the Cricketeer (a not-so-great place), and afterwards at Buddies we ate the hugest jacket potatoes I've ever seen in my life.

Wednesday: Cloudy. Rain. Trevor was up for more driving, so we headed to Salisbury. We found a great hotel (the Cathedral), toured Salisbury Cathedral (the tallest spire in England) and the Close, walked the pedestrian Market, and attempted (with tea in hand) aforementioned (and failed) blog. Last night Trevor had the pleasure of watching a footy game in the pub while I watched the randy (old) lads watching the uninterested (barely of-age) girls. People screaming in the streets most of the night. Not enough sleep -- but I am learning to function in a sleep-deprived state.

Thursday: Rain. Off to Glastonbury in the damp and the fog. Climbed the Tor and the sun came out. I see now that the rain is back. Not that I care.

11 October 2001, 10:10

Blogging in Glastonbury. Does it get any better than this?

We made a pilgrimmage to Glastonbury today. Not much has changed since we were here in 1995 -- but that's a good thing. We used some farmer's footpaths to reach the climb to the Tor, scanned the gorgeous countryside, visited the Chalice Wells and Glasto Abbey, and now we've just finished an incredible lunch at the Cafe Galatea (with non-wilty vegetables, sage sausages, and delectable cheese). The beauty of the Tor and this town brings me a sense of contentment and peace. I love it here.

11 October 2001, 10:10

"Blustery showers", my ass!

Wow, I'm wondering if it could possibly rain any more. I can't believe the amount of rain we've received since we've arrived. Here they refer to it as "blustery showers". Try hurricane-force torrents. Yesterday we walked for hours and hours in the downpours -- from our hotel along Oxford Street to Hyde Park (Speaker's Corner was a treat) to Notting Hill to Portobello Market. It was strange to end up at Rough Trade Records on Portobello Road; we didn't realize that's where we found it last time. Anyway, we hung out at pub near the market, and made a pilgrimmage to the Irish theme pub we frequented in February: Finnegan's Wake. Soaked and sopping and sodden. After that we hailed a cab to Covent Garden (where Trevor insisted that I get myself a decent umbrella at Marks & Sparks) and then headed off to the Lamb and Flag on Rose Street. Lovely little pub, that one: built in 1623, immortalised in Dickens' writings, frequented by Dryden. It still looks like the 1600s in there. Although we spent most of the day soggy and squishy, it was still a lovely day here. On the phone last night Mom and Dad told me that it was snowing "tickle your nose snow" back home. I think that I still prefer rain. Even though it's raining again today.

On a completely new note, it was strange to watch the news last night to find out that the US and the UK have begun bombing in Afghanistan. It feels odd to not be at home when this kind of thing is happening in the world -- when we are staying in a country that is at war. I didn't feel nervous at all -- that is, until Trevor pointed to the Parliament buildings (that can be clearly viewed from out hotel window) and indicated that 10 Downing Street is about a 10-minute walk away. Listening more and more to the news has also been a little bit unsettling with Londoners speaking of nervousness and fear. I really don't feel that scared. I'm still thrilled to be here. Ans maybe I'm not so nervous because we're heading off to Brighton today, away from the capital of Britain, away from the 24-hour activity. And hopefully, away from the sodding rain.

08 October 2001, 05:10

England, at last

Well, we're here. I can't quite believe it, but it's true. Yesterday we left for Pearson airport in the dark, and we arrived at Heathrow in the dark. And right now it's 11:45 AM in London. My body thinks that it's 6:45 AM and is wondering why I am currently depriving it of the sleep it thinks it should be getting right now. It's not very happy with me. I can't believe how tired I am right now. I have to stop to yawn between keystrokes.

Our hotel, St. Giles, is very central -- close to Picadilly, Covert Garden, Russell Square, and within walking distance to so much. We can even see Big Ben from our hotel window and The London Eye from the fire escape. It was terribly noisy last night with clubbers, but so what. It's such a different location from the Grange Adelphi (don't let the snazzy Website or Photoshopped photos fool you) where we stayed in February. St. Giles is also cleaner, cheaper, and more professional -- oh yeah, and completely free of pesky bed creatures.

So, why am I blogging so soon in the trip? Half an hour ago we were caught in a sudden downpour (that included hail), and we needed to find a dry spot to hang out. Lucky for us that there is a 24-hour Internet cafe across the street from us (not to mention a Virgin MegaStore and Sainsburys). Can't beat £3 for 24 hours of blogging and emailing. Although right now I would gladly give up the £2.94 that I haven't used yet to go back to bed.

06 October 2001, 07:10

Leaving for England

Haven't blogged in a while. It's probably because I've been busy with work (ugh) and family stuff (seeing Momma Mia with Trevor's Mom last night: yay) and -- right now -- packing. It's almost 11:00 and we're trying to get everything ready to go. I'm sure that we will forget something, but oh well. This afternoon we dropped Sarah off at Mom and Dad's (I'm so happy that they will be taking care of her while we're away). It was so nice to see my parents again. I've been thinking a lot about Dad lately, hoping that he's been coping okay with chemo. But as usual, he is meeting the challenges head-on with no complaints. He is truly amazing, my father. An inspiration to me to let life bother me less, and to better enjoy what is good in this world. I plan to do just that over the next nine days.

So, tomorrow morning at 5:30 AM we will be leaving for the airport. And at 9:30 PM GMT we'll be in London. I can't believe it's actually going to happen. There will certainly be a lack of blogs until at least October 15 (unless, of course, we find a few Internet cafes along the way!). Trevor and I are going ot have a blast!

04 October 2001, 22:10